The Girl Who Doesn’t Exist

I don’t remember ever not existing, but my parents tell me I was born July 1996. Like many children, I grew up feeling the world centered around my existence. I knew everyone loved me.

But then I found out that wasn’t quite true.

Everyone didn’t love me. I hadn’t always existed. And, in fact, the government told me I didn’t exist.

In my late teens/ early twenties I lost some very close friends and that’s when I truly felt as if I no longer existed. The world that I’d always seen as perfect suddenly looked very dark, and I no longer wanted to be a part of it … for a time I thought the only solution would be to embrace the world and give up the struggle of not existing.

I would get a social security number. I would become like every one else. I would exist according to their rules. At least I would exist, I thought. I was tired of being me, and was ready to do whatever the world required.

Thankfully, that time of darkness was short, and I didn’t do anything irrational. I came out stronger, and realized that it was all right to not exist.

In fact, I discovered it was best to not exist in most people’s worlds.

And so I stopped struggling for existence and started living.

I started pursuing the dreams I’d dreamed as a child, and I saw them become real. I fought for what I wanted and I got it. Without a social security number or state birth certificate I started my own business that is now successful.

I got a driver’s license, I opened a banking account, and I received my passport.

I travel all the time and I have since made many more friends, many of them better people who don’t judge me for being different.

I’m no longer the trusting extrovert I was as a child. I’ve had my time to hate humanity. But I no longer want to sleep life away, either. I’ve learned much, and am ready to learn more.

This blog is to share what I have learned. I hope to be further motivated to learn more and to unite others who are learning, too.

The world says I don’t exist. I don’t care what they think anymore. Do I exist, or not? I don’t think that matters … what matters is not who I am to them, but how I’m living for God.

If you’d like to contact me, email me at thegirlwhodoesnotexist(at)gmail(dot)com


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